Maybe this makes me pathetic, and clingy, and stupid, but I feel like I’ve been abandoned. Why is he more important than me? I know you say he’s not, that I’m the most important person in your life, but I don’t feel very important right now.
If you’re with him, now, then that’s fine, but at least have the balls to email me, and tell me that you’d rather be with him. I don’t see why that’s too much to ask for. I feel like my whole life is on hold, waiting untill you feel like I’m worth talking to.
Maybe that’s not fair. But that’s how it feels. I feel like I’m this puppet…Like I’m a doll that you put on a shelf, and only take out when all your other toys are busy with other things. And it’s worse, because now I know how you felt three years ago…
You said you’d come back after work, but you’ve been gone for nearly six hours, where the fuck are you? ‘Cause you’re not here. Did you die in a carcrash? Or did you just decide, out of the blue, to jet off to Paris?
And then I feel like I’m not allowed to feel this way because of what happened, and how it was completely my fault. The entire two years we spent not speaking is my fault. And I take full responsibilty.
But I feel like you’re subconsciously trying to punish me for something that you say you never think about. I call bullshit, because I think about it all the time. How can you not?
I guess we’re truly not the same people we were two years ago…I thought fate was pulling us back together, but why would it do that, only to shove us apart again?
What do I have to do to get your undivided attention, die?